Funk.

I've been in a funk for the past few days. This post is me bitching about it so if you don't want to read it...stop reading now.

I had off Thursday and Friday for Thanksgiving. On weekends, Tim will stay up all hours of the night playing video games. Because I had an extra long weekend, he did that the whole time, didn't come to bed with me at all until the night before I came back to work. I asked him a couple nights and told him I wanted to cuddle but he didn't come to bed. So I started feeling like the video games were more important than me and like I wasn't good enough. Silly, I know, but that's how I felt.

I've been going back and forth between different birth control pills for various reasons over the past 6 months and this month I started another new one with higher estrogen levels and it's seriously impacting my body along with another medication I took.

Then I read today that Tim's exwife hung out with his old friends yesterday. Tim had been friends with this couple for so long, they'd been through everything together and these friends supposedly hated his exwife as much as he did. Yet they hung out with her. So now I'm torn as to whether or not I mention it to Tim and have him get mad at me for telling him or if I just keep it to myself. It upsets me. I don't understand how people are suppposed to be your close friends like that and then they do something like that to stab you in the back.

And I also feel like nobody cares about me. Nobody is going to read this whole thing. The girls on the forum I frequent are so close I feel like there's no room for me or that I annoy them or something. Hardly anybody ever comments on my things.

Here I am at work typing this and trying not to ball my eyes out because I just feel so low. I'm hoping it's just hormones and from it being dreary outside.

I wish I could afford to and had the courage to move somewhere and start new. Maybe then we'd have friends we could do things with. Maybe then I wouldn't feel like I'm not good enough or like I'm more of an annoyance than anything else.

This is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life. I just wrote out all of our Christmas cards to send our Save the Dates. I just blocked off hotel rooms for our out of town guests. I know at the end of that day that I will have married Tim but I feel like it's all for nothing. If my dad hadn't already invested in the wedding I'd seriously consider just going to the Town Hall. Nobody is going to care anyway, right? It's silly. I know that my family will be there and that they love us and care about us. It's the lack of friends that gets to me. I joined a forum thinking I'd be able to make new friends but it's just not happening like I'd hoped.

And I haven't posted since this but we have an officiant! I didn't get the one I originally wanted but I think I will be very pleased with the one we did get.