I'm seeing Green.

Today I'm a little jealous of my MOH. Tim and I have been together a little longer than Jackie and Matt (though I think only by a few months). Tim and I have been engaged for over a year already and Jackie hasn't even been engaged a month yet. Now, I know that I can't expect people to not get engaged and married before us, and I know that girls on WeddingBuzz would rip me a new one if they knew I was feeling this way. But that's just it. I'm allowed to feel the way that I feel and most days I don't feel this way at all. Tim and I picked a date that worked for us, Jackie and Matt picked a date that worked for them, it's as simple as that. And I don't think my jealousy really has anything to do with them getting engaged after us and married before us, I think my jealousy comes from my just not wanting to wait anymore. Like half of the days I'm ready to say let's just go to the Town Hall and get married, whoever can make it can come, and the other half of the days I'm like "No, I may regret not having an actual wedding, even though we can still do a big reception for our one year."

Though, I think I do regret setting a date so far away. I chose that date because we hadn't been together very long before we got engaged and I was afraid of what people would think or say so I offset that by having a longer engagement. I shouldn't care what people think, and if they say what they think out loud, I shouldn't let it bother me. But at the same time, I was still in school and only working part time and with planning on paying for the whole thing ourselves, I don't think I would have been able to save enough money to get married any earlier than next year. Though now that I'm sitting here thinking about it, we probably COULD have swung getting married this year. I got significantly more in taxes than I ever would have thought and I've been spending a ton of my extra pay (from working full time), on things just because I can. Ugh, great, now I'm kicking myself for that. But honestly, I couldn't have known how much money I would have gotten back from taxes, though we could have changed the date in February when I found out. There is NO way I would be able to bump it up a year, that is less than 3 months away (we want it in August). I wouldn't be able to afford it and I don't know if our photographer would be available and we already booked him.

Really, I should just stop thinking about all of this. It's not doing me any good. It's making me irritated. It's making me feel like I didn't think things through (in the planning aspect, not about marrying Tim).