Little Things

Someone posted a link to a blog today. It was a blog written by military spouses. The person who posted the link is a military spouse. I read some of it anyway, even though I am not a military spouse. Sometimes I am envious of them - military spouses. They are able to live in the moment and not take things for granted. Or at least that is how they come across when they talk and write about their lives and experiences. Every time I finish reading a story about a military family, I feel so deeply moved and consciously tell myself how much I take things for granted.

I get mad at the little things. I get angry at something and take it out on undeserving people. I try so hard not to take anything in my life for granted. I try to show Tim how much I appreciate him, how much I love him. We sit together and watch movies, usually a couple of times a week, or we sit together and watch a tv show that we both enjoy. Yet somehow, something still makes me angry. I'll come home from work and something won't be done that I expected to be done (example: dishes). It gets into my head and it festers. I have a hard time letting the little things go.

So the dishes didn't get done, who the hell cares. They can get done tomorrow. Or like the other morning, supposedly I gave Tim attitude (which I might have, but I don't think I did) which made him give me attitude...which pissed me off to no end.

I don't understand how I can try so hard about something, and have the outcome be so completely different from what I tried to accomplish. I try not to be angry all the time, and really, I don't feel like I am. I feel like I am happier now than I've ever been. I'm successful, in my relationship, in my college career, and in my employment. But then there are days where no matter how hard I try, I just seem to get more and more angry, like trying is having the reverse effect.

Some day I will learn to master the festering thoughts that plague my head. Until then, I'll take it a step at a time.