Blog

I feel like blogging but I'm not sure what to write about, so excuse this stream of consciousness.

So far I have applied to 5 federal positions and a good handful of positions on careerbuilder. It is so weird to think that in a little more than a month, I will be done with school, and done with my internship. New year, new job, possibly a new home depending on where I am offered a job. I have been freaking out. I've been so anxious lately, right this moment I almost feel sick to my stomach. But I thought of something the other day that should help my nerves. Obviously, I wouldn't want to be on unemployment, but as an absolute last resort for income, I can apply. So I try to remind myself of this. Everyone is confident that I will get a job, that everything will work out. I know that everything will work out, in time, I just don't want it to take a lot of time. I have three weeks before I can contact a placement agency again, one who told me to call them back the first week of December. The woman is very confident that she will have me placed by the time I graduate. God, I hope so.

I know that I will cry either on my last day of work or whenever we have my good-bye party, or both, or more than both. I will cry, which will make most of the other girls cry, and it will be one big snot-fest. It will be bittersweet, mostly bitter, not sweet until I can look back on it fondly, once I've got a job somewhere. We officially offered my position to a new student, the one that I was really holding out for, I'm glad she got it and I hope she'll make me proud, but I know that no one can replace me, I hope she's the one that comes close.

I am by no means conceited. But, lately, I can't help but be proud of myself. I am a genuinely good person, there aren't very many of us in the world. I am hardworking, which is rare for my generation. I can't help but feel like I've touched peoples lives in a positive way and I can see how some people who knew me in the past may not like me, but I haven't done anything to make any enemies in quite some time. I can't help but wonder how anybody could not like me, especially when I haven't done anything to them. The only thing I can think of is that they're jealous, that they realize they may not be able to put some things aside and be as genuinely good as me, that maybe they will always be just a little bit bitter. In general, I don't believe that there are good people in this world, largely because of my career choice, but then I reflect on myself and realize that there are good people, even if in few numbers. I guess the above goes mainly for people that I consider friends and my family, because I have some serious road rage, and I detest ignorant and stupid people, the bad drivers who cause a car wreck that could have been prevented if they had just paid attention.

One of my professors called me "one in a million" the other day. We were talking about a theory of his, that the law says if a potential juror can put aside a bias of theirs and make a decision based solely on the facts that they should be allowed on the jury. My professor does not think that people can really do that. Specifically, we were talking about the Death Penalty. I've always thought that I was for the death penalty until I took that class, and in my heart I believe that I still am, but looking objectively at all of the aspects involved, I cannot say that I am for it. The point that I made to my professor, as I had earlier in the day when I saw him at work, was that I am against the death penalty but in my heart I am for it and under the right circumstances I would be able to put being against it aside and condemn somebody to death. He had said "if it is possible, it is probably only one person in a million who could do that." I said, "But isn't that essentially what I said to you earlier? That I am against it but could put those feelings aside?" He said, "Yeah, I guess you're right. You're the one in a million." It was funny. Maybe you had to be there.

Tim and I went to McDonald's for lunch. There were people there who had like 6 kids, the kids were loud and obnoxious. One of the parents actually told one of the kids that they needed a "Gibbs slap." It was so funny to hear that phrase out in public. I love NCIS and Gibbs, and Abby, so I think that made me appreciate it a little more.

One of my cousins was in town this weekend to visit her dad and sister, so the three of us girls went out shopping yesterday. The older of my two cousins (I am the oldest), is pregnant, so we went looking for maternity clothes. We haven't had a lot of bonding time since they just recently came back into our lives, but it was nice to go out with them and get to know them at least a little bit, to be friendly. I am so happy for my uncle to have them back in his life, he has changed so much, he is not as easily irritated and bitter.